If you’re one unsolicited D photo in your inbox away from giving up on online dating, you’re not alone. It’s a meat market out there. Plenty of Fish really feels like Plenty of Felons. And Tinder should be named Hinder---like hinder your love life. Let’s not forget OkCupid, more like OkStupid. 


Alright! We just had a moment. Online dating is not all that bad if it's done right. Plus, according to eharmony.com, about 20% of committed relationships start online.


The topic of online dating while being plus size may trigger a lot of emotions. Too many polls when it comes to online dating involve plus size women being low on the scale of desirability. Meanwhile, sis, you're a whole snack.  


We pity the “dating coaches and experts” who say that plus size women can't snag high quality men without them losing weight first.


Ladies, the name of the game is called strategy.  Think about other areas in your life that are popping and be just as intentional about getting good results with this online dating thing.   


Here are some tips on succeeding in online dating while being plus size:


Build up your confidence. While the word confidence is thrown around a lot, it does go a long way, no matter your dress size. Having superior confidence says that you know your worth and that settling is only for pilgrims. Men can smell desperation and low self-esteem from a mile away. If they know you don’t value yourself, they’ll keep you around just to boost their egos. 

Date them all. Did we say that aloud? Well, unless someone proposes and asks you to be their woman, never assume. Date them all because your confidence is on 10 and you can be choosy. 

Create a killer online profile. 

  • Here’s your chance to shine. Introduce yourself. You don’t have to put your real name if you don’t want to.
  • Lead with your likes or activities you like to do. Keep the profile light-hearted. No, “If you’re an F Boy or married, swipe left.”
  • Limit putting up selfies, especially the ones with heavy filters. Show at least two full-body photos in your big booty leggings, so your date could never say he didn’t know your true size. 
  • Don’t showcase photos of you in a group setting. This is your time to shine, baby girl. The focus should be on you and only you. Plus, don’t make potential suitors have to guess hard who the profile belongs to. People lack patience, especially online. If they’re not intrigued within 5 seconds of landing on your profile, they’re going to swipe left. Make sure your first photo is the money shot.   
  • Also, while we love to see you guys rocking Tribe 35's big booty leggings on social media, you might want to keep the photos of you demonstrating that our leggings are squat-proof off  your profile. Just a little friendly advice that it might attract the wrong kind of suitors.     

Here’s an example of a light-hearted bio that shows your personality. 


“You can ask me just about anything, but please don’t ask me to parallel park. Lol. I’m Kim, a kindergarten teacher based in Brooklyn, NY. I have two children who think I’m pretty dope, especially when I let them play Roblox. I live for game nights— be forewarned, I’m the reigning champ in Pictionary. 😊 Oh, and I’m also somewhat of a passport bully. I've been to about 20 countries and counting. A little about you: adventurous, gallant, smart, funny and has binged watched all season of “The Walking Dead” before. If this sounds remotely like you, send me a message." 


Don’t overshare during initial conversations. After you create a bomb a$$ dating profile with your cutest photos, watch the messages start filing in. It’s a numbers game, so out of all 40 messages, there might be like 6 profiles that catch your attention. When you start messaging with these men, keep it simple. They don’t have to know that you haven’t had sex in 3 years; and if you’re asked the proverbial “why are you single?” question, keep it light. While it may be tempting to answer, “my ex couldn’t handle a real woman,” please don't! Give a more classy and innocuous reply like, “well, it seems like we grew up apart, so we decided to go our separate ways and explore new journeys. It’s actually for the best. There’s no love lost.”  With a response like that you come off classy, non-bitter, and SANE - all pluses in the dating world. :) 

Be safe. Although online dating is common now and less taboo than previous generations, you must remain safe at all times. Heck, even if you meet them at a social gathering or you’re hooked up by a friend or family member, practice safety measures. Choose to meet up in a location where there's heavy foot traffic. Unless you don't mind getting "coffee" at the end of the night, don't tell him where you live. Wink, you can also get "coffee" at the Ramada or Days Inn, without him knowing your address too. 

Beware of online scammers. We’re not saying that there aren’t rich Nigerian princes on Tinder and Bumble. Nah, we’re saying that…LOL. However, online strangers shouldn’t be asking for money, whether they live in your hometown or across the globe. Don’t give out your personal info like your bank account number, social security number, home address, and your work location. You’ll be surprised what scammers can do with the little bit of info you give them. 

While we're on the topic, remember, this is a judgment-free zone---we swear! But watching The Tinder Swindler on Netflix has us thinking if some of the victims were from St. Olaf (R.I.P Betty White). Apparently, the perpetrator, Simon Leviev (born Shimon Hayut), convinced his victims to take out huge payday loans and mortgages and max out their credit cards to help provide security protection from his enemies in the diamond industry. All the while, he was using these funds to help swoon other would-be victims. Simon had game, to say the least.

Ladies, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. An alleged heir to a billion-dollar diamond empire shouldn’t need a sugar mama to fund. While there might be gallant, stand-up guys online dating, they’re predators looking for gullible and desperate women.

Fortunately, there’s a good chance you won’t run into Simon while swiping online. He’s officially banned from dating apps like Tinder and Bumble. Beware of copycats, ladies, and vet wisely.

Learn if you’re being pitched to. Not everyone who does online dating is looking for love or companionship. Sometimes, they're looking for clients for their businesses. Take, for example, there are aspiring personal fitness trainers who build their clientele by meeting women online. Whether it's ethical or not, that's a whole other story. It's up to you if you feel comfortable hearing a sales pitch when you’re really hoping to find a boo, so you guys can stunt on the gram together this summer.

Shoot your shot. Do women hate rejection? Heck yeah, but the dating site, Bumble, created by Self Made Boss Babe, Whitney Wolf Herd, is designed for women to shoot their shot first. For the girly girls out there who say, "I don't chase men," neither do we. We're saying to spark up a conversation to show interest. This doesn't mean a man won't court you if you simply send him a message saying, "hey, I see in your second profile photo you own a Peloton bike. Is it worth the hype?”  See how easy that? And you don’t come off as being thirsty or too aggressive. 

Remain positive. We’ve all been there where it seems like all you’re running into are married men, F boys, and weirdoes. The urge to either temporarily deactivate your account or delete your profile altogether seems like the only solution. Before you go that route, have you consider expanding your dating palette? Is there a way that you can make an exception to your dating height requirement? Perhaps you choose singles who are about an hour drive away, instead of the ones you see around town all the time. We're not telling you to settle. However, expanding your dating palette might garner you some success. 


Okay, ladies. Tell us your online dating horror stories. Don’t leave anything out. And if you found true love online, tell us about that too. 

January 19, 2022 — DENISE HOPKINS