Raise your hand if life is fairly good right now. Your credit score is going up! Your bank account is on swole. President Biden is about to expunge like $50k of your student loans (finger crossed). Your business or career is flourishing. You’ve finally learned how to perfect your eye makeup technique. Everything seems to be coming together! Except “your love life is D.O.A.” You’re not alone! Simply put: dating is hard! It takes a lot of patience trying to find the one or the ones (no judgment if you’re a poly girl).
Unfortunately, plus size women find themselves in a unique space when it comes to dating. So-called "dating experts" say that the odds are against us with finding quality suitors. Meanwhile, sis, your DM's looks like a snack convention with fine men or women begging to ride into the sunset with you. Ha, but you don't want some of them.
Stay the course! Like the late, great Nipsey Hussle said, “It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon.”
Here are tips for being successful at dating:
Be Intentional. Come up with a game plan if you really want to change the trajectory of your dating life. Maybe your past relationships or situationships have left a bad taste in your mouth. Maybe you’ve lacked discernment when it comes to vetting men or women. But all of that can change if you put the effort into doing dating with the same care and way you run other parts of your life or business.
Adjust Your Mindset! Almost anything you do in life will start with a positive mindset. If you go into this thinking that all men are trash for example, well, sis, welcome to the first day at the Sanitation Department. Have a little faith in some of these men. Not all of them reside in F*** Boi Central. You don’t like to be stereotyped, right? How does it feel when dudes think you live in the kitchen, throwing down every chance you get just because you’re plus-sized? Meanwhile, you’re UberEating or Door Dashing it like the rest of the country.
Build Your Confidence. Whether you’re 100 pounds soaking wet or a solid 250 pounds, confidence is the best accessory you can wear. No one likes someone who is self-deprecating or plays the victim. Confident women keep their heads held high and walk into any room owning the place. Confident women don't have to degrade other women to uplift themselves. Saying "Skinny Chicks could never" doesn’t show that you’re confident, more like you’re insecure. Confidence is a YOU thing, not a group exercise.
Try Something New. We’re not telling you to join a White Water Rafting Club, but there are plenty of areas where your gifts and talents can be suitable outside of work. Do you speak another language? Perhaps you can find organizations that need translators. The goal is to meet new people---doing the same type of activities over and over won’t be conducive for that.
Always Look Polished. You ever heard the term “dress for the position you want”? Well, the same thing applies here. People in general are visual creatures. Unfortunately, how one presents herself does affect the way that people respond to her. (We know it’s awful but it’s true.) Here’s the bright side: You have options. Plus size women are killing the fashion game. More brands are catering to our demographic, which is a plus (no pun) for the ladies who have a little more cushion for the pushing. You can even look cute in your plus size leggings. That’s why we created Tribe 35. We want you to feel confident and look great when you’re working out or running errands. Leave the Mom Jeans-inspired workout gear for Grandma Yetta and them. Grab The Miracle Legging, the best plus size leggings on the market. If you like to rock makeup, sometimes less is more. There are ways to execute the “natural look” with the right amount of makeup. Make sure your grooming is on point. Check for food in your teeth. Keep your hair brushed and if you’re going for the messy bun look, make sure it’s not too messy.
Go Out by Yourself. What if we told you that you don’t need a wing person? You can meet men on your own without having your girls around. For men, it’s less intimidating approaching a woman who’s chilling at the bar alone as opposed to the one who’s surrounded by a gang of girls. Also, when you’re alone, the focus is on you. Not that you have friends like that, but you don’t want to be around that one friend who acts thirsty around men or wants all the attention on her.
Change the Places You Frequent. If you want to meet men or women who are a little more accomplished than the men or women that you’re used to dating, go where they go. Try upscale steak houses. You’ll find men and women who are hosting business clients or have the means to be regular customers at those types of establishments. Go to silent auctions. If you have the coins to buy an original Basquiat, go for it. Or you can sit back and observe the ballers in the room. :)
In all seriousness, be intentional. If you want upwardly mobile men or women, perhaps going to chain restaurants is not the best course of action.
Travel! What if your soulmate is across the country or in the Maldives??? Or maybe they're catching flights and not feelings. Get your passport, you might meet Mr. or Mrs. Right at the airport.
Try online dating. It’s hit or miss with online dating, but we’re being intentional, right? We’re exhausting all avenues to meet the one. There are successful stories of people finding their life partners online. This can be you.
Take, for instance, Celebrity Ghostwriter and Business Coach, Pauleanna Reid, who told Vogue magazine how she found love on the invite-only app, Clubhouse. You heard it right. Women are finding love on Clubhouse and all over social media. Stay tuned for our article on the Do’s and Dont’s of online dating.
Have Patience. We hear success stories all the time. “I met my fiancé at my cousin’s wedding and on day 35, we were engaged. Thanks, vision board.” Girl, don’t get down if all your dates have been duds. Going on multiple dates is good practice—it helps you recognize red flags early on and to identify things that you consider non-negotiable.
Overall, having an active dating life is good for discovering new restaurants, trying new activities, and boosting your self-esteem. A lot of us become so inundated with life and neglect our personal lives. Make time for some harmless flirting and a date every now and then.
Tell us, what’s one dating tip that has helped you in your personal journey?